Monday, March 15, 2010

My Busy Weekend

This last weekend was busy and fun. Saturday morning I went shopping by myself (hooray!) and hurried home so we could go to the Saint Patrick's Day parade. That didn't end up happening. It was so cold! It was 40 degrees outside, but we had snow flurries that morning and the wind was whipping cold air all over. On top of that, it was noon and Pixie was exhausted from being up between 1-4am. Again. So we skipped that. I went to a baby shower at 1pm and had a really nice time visiting with the other ladies. I came home around 3pm, took a shower, got into a dress, then left a little after 5pm to go chaperon a seminary scripture bowl/dance. It was a blast. I taught a bunch of girls the EFY line dance we used to do when I was in youth. Even though I never did get to go to EFY. We rocked it on the dance floor and my thighs are still hurting from that line dance! None of them could keep up with me though, I still have it. :)  They were begging me to go to IHOP with them afterward, but Scott had to go to work at 9pm and dropped Pixie off at Becca's. As it was I wasn't going to get back until 10:30, so I had to decline. I got Pixie, went home and put her in bed. I was reminded that DST started the next morning, so that was good. So technically Pixie went to bed at midnight. I remembered that I was teaching Young Women, so I planned my lesson and then went to bed. 
Pixie was a grump all day Sunday. We came home from church, Pixie went down for a nap, Scott went to work, I started on making food for New Beginnings, and preparing letters for the girls..etc. 

Ok, a little background information. As you know, Scott and I are currently in the Pound Plunge weight loss competition. We have been losing ground the last few weeks. Sorry guys! I think it's mostly my fault. I just can't seem to keep losing, even though I still have a little way to go. Scott and I decided we would do a juice/smoothie fast for the rest of the competition. Which was like 11-12 days from Friday. So I started on Friday. The first day I cheated a tiny bit, the second I did super well. Sunday was the third day

Back to my story. So I was making tortilla wraps and had all the ends from them. I didn't want them all to go to waste and Pixie wouldn't touch the stuff. She's not a creamy type of gal. So I figured I would see what happened when I nibbled on a few. Well, it was really weird. I didn't think it would be that bad because it was only the 3rd day, but I felt sick. I felt like I had low blood sugar or something and then I got really hot. It didn't last a long time, but I won't be doing that again! When you come off of this type of thing, you need to do it slowly. Just eat fruit and veggies for a couple of days. So this leaves us with a problem. We have a friend we haven't seen for two years. In that time he has been married and has had a child. They only live 30 minutes away. We've been trying to get together for a few months now and they want to cook us dinner this Saturday. Not sure how that will go, but we'll see!

New Beginnings went well and the tortilla wraps were a huge hit. One of the girls has a father who is a really tall and big guy. He scared the pants off of Pixie. At first he tried to get her to like  him, then he just started terrorizing and teasing her. It got to the point that she was shaking and screaming even when he wasn't in the room. I was glad it was over, so I left as quickly as I could. I thought she forgot about it, but I asked her about the big man when we got home. She got very serious and worried, then said she was sad. I had found out that that man is our home teacher and has been for a long time, but now I'm not too keen on him coming to visit! Pixie has a very long memory. She will not like him for years or if ever. Even if he wasn't big and scary to her. I wish she would just think of people like she does dogs! But then, there are good things about a child being cautious of strangers.

So, today is day 4 of our fast. It has been the easiest day so far. I have read about what to expect on a fast and some of them are true for me already. One of the things is you sleep less. I will feel kind of tired, then get a second wind. Last night I lied in bed, knowing I should be really tired, but I wasn't and I couldn't fall asleep. I did eventually, but it was strange. Today I notice that I have lots of bursts of energy, then I'll kind of get foggy. I think the fogginess is from me not drinking enough water. After I drink, I feel much better. Scott has lost 6lbs so far doing this (of course not all of it is real weight loss), but I have only lost 2. We're just hoping to pull really good numbers on the final weigh in day and maybe lose a couple pounds in the process. Before this fast, Scott had already lost about 35lbs since we started on January 5th!

Pixie is awake. Thus ends my blogging time!

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Sunday Getting To Know You

It's Sunday again! Time for another getting to know ME!
1. What's your favorite Easter candy?
I love good quality chocolate. Dark chocolate with nuts. I used to would have said Reeses peanut butter eggs, but they are WAY too sweet for me now.
2. Who do you think is or women?
Of course it depends on the person, but I lived with girl roommates that weren't the best housekeepers. While Scott lived upstairs with a bunch of guys that cooked, cleaned, and decorated. And no, none of them were gay!
3. Which do you prefer..wordy blog posts or ones with pictures?
I don't mind wordy blogs if I'm friends with the person blogging. Of course I like to see pictures of my friends! I prefer to follow crafty or informational blogs of people I don't know.
4. Were you popular in highschool?
I was home schooled, but I had a large group of friends in church. I was popular with them I would say. And still am. :)
5. What's your bra size?
A little personal here, eh? I'm not shy though. I usually get them from Vicky's (VS) and I wear a 34C from them. Maybe they just like to boost a girl's ego?

6. How many states have you lived in?
7. What's one blog you read every day?
I don't read blogs every day. But I like to keep up to date on my friends/family's blogs a couple times a week.
8. Peanut butter or Nutella?
Hands down, peanut butter. The natural kind, not the crisco kind with sugar. Just roasted peanuts and salt. I am so addicted to peanut butter. It's terrible. I could eat the whole jar probably.
Nutella tastes artificial. I just can't seem to like it.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Pixie's Night at the Movies

Pixie and I were settling in for another dull evening alone together. It was a nice day out, but the sunshine didn't last past nap time. Then I got a nasty and foggy headache. By the time I took the "magic candy" (as James has named the generic Excedrin) it was getting dark outside and I didn't want to take Pixie out. Becca called me at 6:30 and invited us to go with them to see "The Princess and the Frog" at the 2-dollar theater, for Family Home Evening. I was hesitant at first, but then I thought what the heck. So I said yes. This was Pixie's first movie. Well, since she was a few months old. We got there just in time and Pixie settled in between Professor and Princess. I sat behind her at was surprised at how happy and calm she was. I was ready for the darkness, loudness, length, etc to freak her out. It didn't! She was enthralled with the whole process and she even laughed at inappropriate times. Wonder where she gets that from.....? Anyway..the movie started out well and I really liked it. I really wanted to like it enough to own it, BUT I won't. For some reason this movie didn't scare Pixie. I have no idea why it didn't. She is terrified of "The Incredibles", freaks out in the beginning of "Ratatouille" when they are being chased from the country house and when Remi first falls into the kitchen at the restaurant. She also is scared of the advertisement for the Pixar Shorts DVD. 
Like I said, I really like most of this movie. I laughed a lot. I did not like the dark voodoo magic in it though. If they had just referred to them as witches or made small hints to voodoo, without the voodoo dolls and blatant black magic, it would have been ok with me. That is the main reason I don't think I will own this. If I did, there would be a few chapters to skip. I also do not like what happened to Ray at the end. Not so much the end result, but how it was started. Ew. I loved Ray's character, Charlotte's too. They made me laugh! The music was so great. I just wish they would have made it more child friendly. I saw Princess hiding her eyes a couple of times, don't know about the boys. I also didn't like the hunters hitting each other, but of course, I laughed a lot. I don't, however, want my child to think that hitting is funny.
Disney, you disappoint me again. It was so close to being a favorite! Why do they have to make villains so villainous in their kid movies? The point of it is to be good wholesome entertainment, right? Not to scare children and cause nightmares! Really, Disney, you can take the bad guys down a notch and the kids will still get it.

Sunday Getting To Know You

I thought this would be fun. I love getting to know more about my friends, so maybe you do too! It's obviously not Sunday anymore, so I guess I'm fashionably late? :)
Go to every Sunday for a new questionnaire, then link back up to her site.
Here it goes:

1. Are you more of a talker or a listener?
It depends on who I'm talking to. I'm more of a listener to those I don't want to know a lot about myself. I'm more of a talker to those who are shy and quiet, that I'm thrown together with. And I am pretty equal for those I really connect with. It is important for close friends to talk to me about themselves. I feel undervalued if they don't talk to me about what is going on in their lives.

2. Bra. Underwire or wireless? 
I like to be wired. Don't know why, it's not like I really need it, but I like the way it fits.

3. I wish I was.....?
on vacation. :)

4. The Academy Awards are on tonight..will you watch?
They were on last night. Yes, I did watch. Pixie and I had our own "On the Red Carpet" party and then I watched the rest after she went to bed. I watched it streaming live from the UK online, so that was fun. The awards themselves were kinda boring. Especially since I didn't see most of the movies. Most of them are inappropriate for my viewership.
I think the only one I saw was Avatar. I wished I had seen Up. It's on the list.
I did, however, like seeing Sandra Bullock win an award. She looked beautiful and even pulled off the red lipstick! "While You Were Sleeping" is one of my very favorite movies.

5. Do you put your deodorant on before or after you get dressed?
It depends on what I'm wearing. If there is a risk of getting marks on a black shirt, I will put it on afterward. Most of the time it's after.

6. Would you rather do the dishes or clean toilets? Honestly, if it's my toilet, I'd rather clean the toilet. But then, so would my husband. I am doomed to do dishes forever!

7. How much did you weigh at birth?
WHA!? Oh, birth. I can handle that. 7lbs. I don't know if there were any ounces. Maybe Mom could help me out?

8. If you could only buy one thing for the Spring/Summer season..what would it be?
Some bermuda shorts. If in fact, I can get to the point of actually looking good in them! 

Monday, March 1, 2010

Gaining Hope

I have been plodding along. And that's really all the last few months have been. Just trying to make it through. I feel as though I'm running a marathon and I'm trying to hold on and push through to the end. Of course, I have no idea where the end actually is. Is there something wrong with me? Am I depressed? I ask this question quite often. Could I be depressed? What's it like? Then I dismiss it because I don't think I could ever truly be depressed. I'm just lonely and down trodden. Yes, that's it.
We were worried about Scott's work hours being cut. This was bittersweet. I liked the idea because my husband wouldn't be working 80 hours a week, but on the flip side he needs to work that much for us to be able stay afloat. Both of these jobs don't pay much and have no benefits. Ok, one has a tiny credit for health insurance for just him. His hours changed around like crazy for a month or two, and they have settled down now. I got called to be the first counselor in our church Young Women organization. I am over the 14 &15 year old girls and am the first assistant to the president. I was very happy to leave the Primary children behind and work with the teenagers. I have always wanted to, but didn't get the chance until now. Now that I am a mother and very removed from teenagers, I get called. Go figure! My duties include making sure activities are planned and carried out, teaching lessons on Sundays, going to the Wednesday night activities, and chaperoning weekend events at the stake center half an hour away, and more. I love this, but it puts a lot of strain on us and I can't participate in everything because sometimes there isn't anyone to watch Pixie at home. My sister watches her whenever she can. Anyway, as a result, I miss my husband even more. I still am a coordinator for our co-op, so that stuff comes around every 4 weeks, and I'm still trying to keep up my felt food business. Not sure if I'm going to keep doing The Pampered Chef though.

Our schedule is kinda like this:
Sunday: Scott gets off work at 8am, we rush to be at church at 9am. Get out of church at 12pm (barring any meetings), go home, have lunch, put Pixie down for a nap, Scott goes to work at 3pm until 11pm.
Monday: Scott goes back to work from 7am-11pm
Tuesday: Scott goes back to work from 7am-11pm
Wednesday: Scott's only full day off! I have mutual at church at 7pm and twice a month a meeting at 6pm. Scott then goes to basketball immediately after I get home and is gone until 11pm.
Thursday: Scott is home until 6pm and works overnight.
Friday: Scott is home until 6pm and works overnight.
Saturday: Scott is home until 9pm! But, I have activities to chaperon sometimes. The next two Saturdays are booked for me. Scott works overnight until Sunday morning.

Then it starts over again! Poor Pixie doesn't get to see her daddy from Sunday until Wednesday. She is starting to get better, but Tuesdays are usually really rough for her. It's gut wrenching to hear her break into a chant of "daddy, daddy, daddy!". I am really grateful for Scott and how much he works. He doesn't complain. Lately he's been coming home and going straight to working on projects in the house, like the bedroom he's making in the basement. It will be so nice when that is done. We've been sleeping on a futon in the living room for 16 months now and it's been wreaking havoc on my back. The only bathroom is through where Pixie sleeps, so that makes it impossible to get up early on Sundays and shower. Or for Scott to be able to shower after/before work. I don't complain nearly as much as I thought I would. It would make it harder on Scott. I have been cranky lately. Probably because of food. I hate that food has that much of a hold on me! I love to cook and bake. It is in my womanly blood and I'm good at it. *she says very modestly*
Since January 5th we have been on a weight loss journey. We entered into our community pound plunge with another couple and out of hundreds of teams, we have been flirting with 4th and 5th place. The top 3 teams get money and/or trips. This has meant that I haven't been able to cook as I was before. What I cooked before was considered very healthy, but we've taken it up at least 5 notches! That makes me feel sad. Sad that I'm not putting these delectable meals together for my family. It sounds really dumb and I think it is, but it has been hard for me. Especially since I've been struggling with losing more weight, after the first initial loss. I have lost 12lbs, but I want to lose 20 more to reach my ultimate goal. In this competition, which ends this month, I would like to lose 10 more.

I recently have discovered that a lot of my doldrums have been because of this winter. We've had a bunch of snowstorms and about 50 inches of snow. The sun has been almost non-existent and it has been so cold. There was a "warm" day last Friday. The sun was out and it was 40 degrees.  I was at the co-op delivery talking to someone in the parking lot and I wasn't cold! This was because it was blocked by the wind, but it made me so happy. I was happy that day! It made me realize how much the weather has affected me. I long for Spring. It is my favorite time of year. I don't think it's because I was born in it or that my daughter is too. I love the creeping warmth that covers the earth. I love the crocus that poke through the ground, many times with snow still around. I love seeing the trees start to bud and the fields to get a hint of green. I love to notice these little things. I love to drive on the almost vacant highways with plowed fields on either side of me, the new green hue on the trees, and the wide expanse of the blue sky as I almost seem to drive into it. I love to visit green houses to peruse all of the flowers and feel the excitement as I push past them, into the herb and vegetable aisles. Some of my happiest days as a child were going to green houses with my family and planting a garden with my dad. I now love bringing my daughter to visit with her grandpa and to cultivate that love for the earth in her too. Last year was the first time Pixie was able to harvest food out of grandma and grandpa's garden. It was so sweet. Growing up without knowing my grandparents, it has been a wonderful experience seeing my daughter and her growing relationship with her grandparents. We picked tomatoes with Mom last year and Pixie would only pick green things. She finally learned and was picking and eating her own cherry tomatoes. A lump came into my throat when she took her grandpa's hand for the first time and walked off into the garden with him. I love my parents. They are so dear to me. I love being able to give them the happiness they deserve, through Pixie. She brings a special light to them and the rest of our family.

So, I am trying to focus on the good. The good like...we have running water! If anyone has lived without it, you know what I mean! I have a working kitchen. Scott has not one job, but two, and they are starting to pay the bills. We are healthy. I'm a good cook and know how to be savvy with money. Our cars are working. Heck, that we have cars! My daughter isn't ugly like I feared. She's actually quite the beauty. =D
My dogs are getting easier and they provide comfort/protection. I'm glad my sister, Becca, lives close by and that Pixie loves them as much as they all love her. I love how Pixie asks for her Aunt Becca and her cousins by name. Scott is handy. I have come home a few times to home improvements in progress or already completed. Thank you for tax returns! We got a really nice all in one printer combo for a great price. I'm thankful I don't have to run over to print co-op invoices at Becca's every month now. Even though she really didn't mind.
I am thankful that Scott tries to make the little time he has with us really count. It's hard when all he has at home are the daylight hours. There are so many errands, bills, and projects to be done. Somehow he fits in quality time with both of us. I am thankful for the many nice women in church. I know that I can call on them if I need them, even though they don't replace my old friends. Life is just too busy now for everyone to hang out and get to know each other that well. I look forward to being able to designate a "date night" in the future. I am thankful that I'll appreciate a 40 hour work week and free weekends someday!

We stopped hoping for a new house in town. That's partly why we're doing home improvements on this house. First off, the mortgage here is very inexpensive and we need that right now. Secondly, we don't want to do anything else until we find out from the FAA if the air traffic control job is a go or not. The process can take 18 months, so we'll see. I think we're about 7 months in. If he does get in, our preferences would be Kansas City, North Carolina, or Tampa, FL area. So in other words, if he did get in, we wouldn't be living in this town anyway. If he did get in, he would be making just as much as he is now, just going to the training. And working only 40 hours a week. AND getting benefits. It's a government job, so the benefits and pay are really good. Pay is based on locality, but is still very decent. Plus, the retirement is great and you don't have to wait long to retire. Is it too much of a dream to hope for? I hesitate to hope too hard. If he doesn't get in, we'll have to figure something else out. There is no way he's going to be working these jobs in health care for 80 hours a week, with no benefits or retirement. But the alternative is scary. Just because we haven't thought of a good one yet. There isn't anything else in this city, so a move is probably inevitable.

I realized right now that I could print this post out and plaster it into my journal. My neglected journal. I used to keep a great record, but my want to write or even read has diminished greatly over the past few years. I have sunk to the low mindless level of watching tv series online after Pixie goes to bed. That's all I feel the energy to do. Sometimes the idea of concentrating on words seems to expend too much energy. It doesn't even feel like physical energy. It's more mental energy. I feel very out of touch with the world and other people. I used to watch world and local news, but I don't have tv anymore and I don't make the effort to look online. I am glad I have set myself up to have to be out in the community at least a few times a month. It would be too easy to get lost at home. No more! At least, no more when it is warm enough outside to actually go outside. Yes, Spring is coming. I feel it trying to break it's way through. And with Spring, comes the real Karen. I can't wait to have her back!